


stuck close (too close) to you

by chiikausa



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Chikage's anxiety and self-doubt, Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Taruchi is a speedrunner, Trapped In A Closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27501556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiikausa/pseuds/chiikausa
Summary: "Their gazes locked, the tension of the situation slipping away for a moment, Chikage's glare melting along with it. He couldn't help the thought creeping up in his mind, wrapping itself around his heart and squeezing a little too tight.He's beautiful."Chikage finds himself stuck in a tricky situation. He talks himself out of his feelings, then back into his feelings, which makes things complicated. But with a little help, he manages to work it out.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 22
Kudos: 112





	stuck close (too close) to you

**Author's Note:**

> This was NOT supposed to be over 3k and yet Chikage and his STINKY attitude and his STINKY self-doubt and his STINKY habit of running away from his emotions made me over double this brainrot inspired by a SINGLE TWEET.
> 
> It's fine, these things happen. Enjoy!

Chikage had found himself stuck in _many_ tricky situations over the years, but this was by far the most frustrating to endure.

It should have been simple: get in, rescue Chigasaki from overtime, get out. Getting in was _cake_ compared to the heists and spy missions he'd pulled in the past. He could've used his employee ID card, but he wanted to remain untraceable. Still, an absolute cakewalk. Saving Chigasaki was harder – they worked under different managers at the company, and he was trying to remain unseen after he and his team had already left for the day. He refused an offer to go out drinking with them, too, under the guise he was coming down with something. So he _really_ couldn't be seen. His double-life was in a delicate balance much the same as Chigasaki's; if anyone found out the truth behind his mysterious business trips and aloof, cool demeanor, he had a lot to lose.

Despite the increasing stakes, he'd managed to find a moment to sneak into Itaru's department and covertly cause a "problem" with his computer to give him an easy alibi for having to leave. Then, it should have been smooth sailing: _escape._

But Itaru wasn't a runner. Nor did he have upper body strength. Or coordination. So with his initial escape plan out the window, Chikage had to improvise.

There was a reason Chikage hardly improvised, though: it always led to situations like _this._

At present, Chikage found himself pressed chest-to-chest with Itaru, in a microscopic maintenance closet somewhere between Chikage's department and the emergency stairwell he entered from. There was _far_ from enough space for the two of them to comfortably bide their time until more of the management team left for the night. Surrounded by brooms and buckets and pans and cleaning supplies, they waited.

"Kind of a cramped hiding spot, don't you think, senpai?"

Of course Chigasaki couldn't just be quiet. Chikage sighed, glaring down at him.

"If you had any body strength at all, we wouldn't be in this situation," Chikage hissed. "Also, _shut up_. We could get caught."

"Right. An encounter would be bad news right now since there's no way for us to make a surprise attack. I've totally got the wrong equipment on. We'd be surrounded with no escape items—"

_"Chigasaki,"_ Chikage warned, glare growing darker. Thankfully, that shut him up.

The quiet that followed was nearly as suffocating, since all Chikage had to focus on was how _close_ they were. They were pressed chest-to-chest, and one of Chikage's arms braced against the door while the other, which had been around Itaru's wrist, now sat wrapped around his waist. Itaru was probably less comfortable, one arm gripping Chikage's forearm and the other pressed awkwardly against his back. He could feel the nervous thrum of Itaru's heart against his chest and hear the soft rasp of their breathing mingling in the limited space between their lips. Enough light trickled in from the hallway that Chikage could watch Itaru study his face intently, his deep pink eyes full of an unusual level of contemplation.

Their gazes locked, the tension of the situation slipping away for a moment, Chikage's glare melting along with it. He couldn't help the thought creeping up in his mind, wrapping itself around his heart and squeezing a little too tight.

_He's beautiful._

Chikage's eyes dropped down to Itaru's lips, and he wondered how many girls would kill him to be in this position. More than that, how much would he regret it later if he took advantage of the moment now? One firm tug from the hand at the small of Itaru's back and they could kiss.

Just one breath, and—

A harsh rapping sounded at the door, shattering the moment to pieces. His hand flew to Itaru's mouth to muffle the _yelp_ he almost let out, angling his body to keep it between the opening of the door and Itaru. If the person on the other side was stronger than Chikage and forced the door open, at least they would only see one person. The knock sounded again, louder, and Chikage could feel the adrenaline making Itaru's heart go _crazy._

Though he'd be lying if he said his own heartbeat wasn't doing the same.

"Aw, crap," A muffled voice sounded from the other side of the door. "This isn't a meeting room, it's the maintenance room. God, I'm so tired…"

Footsteps faded down the hallway, but Chikage didn't move a muscle, just to be safe. He maneuvered their position to put his ear against the door to listen for any others, finding it quieter than it had been when he'd pulled them both in here to hide.

"I-is it safe? Nobody in aggro range?"

Chikage gave him as exasperated of a look as he could from his position. "I'm going to crack open the door to check. Try not to lean on me."

"Oh, _sorry,_ I didn't realize I had a choice."

Rolling his eyes, Chikage did as he said, peering carefully into the hallway, tilting his head to really listen. No footsteps, no one in sight. _Looks like it’s now or never,_ he reasoned, gripping Chigasaki’s wrist suddenly and sliding through the doorway, closing it soundlessly behind him.

“I don’t think I can run down this many flights of stairs,” Itaru whispered as they passed into the stairwell. “My MP is still—”

Chikage cut him off by turning around and sharply knocking Itaru’s knees out from under hip, scooping him into a bridal carry and setting off down the steps briskly. For most of the way down, Itaru was simply staring dumbly at him, but eventually, he huffed, muttering something about cheat codes under his breath and leaning into Chikage a little more.

He tried to ignore the way his own heart skipped a beat at the motion.

-:-

In the days and weeks following, Chikage noticed an uncanny trend where he seemed to keep ending up in situations where he was close to Itaru. Some were benign, like the only two seats left open in the largest conference room being side by side. However, some were not: being assigned cleaning duty of the cramped props closet and the sardine shuffle on the train shoving them shoulder-to-shoulder being two of the more recent examples that came to mind. Each time, he was focused on their shared warmth, static building after each brush of the shoulder as though the energy from that first moment in the maintenance closet had never fully dissipated.

To Chikage, it was a delicate, dangerous tango. One wrong step, one moment spent too long looking into Itaru’s eyes, and he’d fall into a pit with no hopes of climbing back out. There was no compromise: he _could not_ let that happen. Getting that close would only spell disaster – not just for Itaru, but for the entire Mankai Company. He’d forged something of a new “life” with them alongside December, and they deserved much better than him making a mess of things and forcing them all apart.

_Or worse._

He had to do something. Going out earlier in the evening and staying out until the earliest hours of the morning worked well enough, for starters. He’d leave not long after dinner, and only return the hour before Itaru woke. If Itaru took notice, he didn’t say anything, only sticking to his streams and gaming like usual. Chikage maintained that careful distance well, not allowing it to influence rehearsals or practices or casual conversations around the dorm. At first, no one suspected a thing.

But then, the unthinkable happened.

Chikage was sneaking back to the dorm – it was around 5 A.M., the usual time, and he was making full use of his masterful stealth, like usual. He didn’t make a sound coming through the door, down the hall, and finally to the dorm room. Sliding the door closed behind him, he turned around to head to bed, but Itaru was sitting in his desk chair, facing him, _awake,_ and Chikage nearly jumped at him.

“What are you doing awake?” He snapped.

“Why are you avoiding me, senpai?” Itaru shot back. “Did I pick the wrong answer in a dialogue tree earlier? Am I headed for the bad end?”

Chikage ignored his additional comments. “I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been busy.”

“That’s what you said when you first joined the company, too. You’re being _weird,_ senpai. You’re always weird, but this is a new weird.”

He placed his laptop on top of his suitcase. “I’m no weirder than before, Chigasaki. You still haven’t answered me: why are you awake?”

Chikage heard more than he saw Itaru’s chair roll a little closer to his half of the room. “I couldn’t sleep,” he answered simply. Chikage scowled; of course, he didn’t warrant a more specific answer. How frustrating. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I answered this, Chigasaki. I won’t be made to repeat myself.”

_“Senpai,”_ Itaru whined, looking at him flatly. “I’m not sleeping until I get an answer.”

“Then it sounds like you’ll be awake for a long time. Goodnight.”

He moved to scale the ladder and feign sleep for a couple of hours, but Itaru’s hand snatched his wrist. The spot where he gripped felt searing hot. _How did he move that fast?_

“I—” Itaru looked nervous, but resolute. “You’ve been avoiding me ever since you saved me from the sudden death overtime I got into at work. We’re not doing this again. I can’t—you’re not going to leave, are you?"

A vulnerability slipped into Itaru’s tone that completely swept Chikage off his feet. That wasn’t the conclusion he’d expected Itaru to jump to at all, but…it made sense, with how he’d been acting. He was avoiding looking right at Chikage now, but the grip on his wrist was still firm, as if it was silently asking him to stay.

“I have no intention of leaving,” Chikage answered. _Yet._ “Sorry to have worried you. Now, please let go of me so we can sleep. You clearly need it.”

“That’s…” Itaru huffed. “Then, can you at least tell me what I did?”

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” he said.

_“Stop_ lying to me,” Itaru grumbled, finally meeting his eyes with a frown. “I’m seriously at the end of my rope, here. Can’t you at least give me a hint?”

_I can’t._

“Izumi’s birthday is coming up,” he lied. “And I’ve been working on a present for her in secret. I couldn’t work on it in the dorm because someone might have blabbed to her.”

Itaru searched his face for a long minute before dropping Chikage’s wrist. “Fine,” he said, disappointment seeping into his posture and affecting his tone. “If that’s how you want to be, then fine.” He turned, and wordlessly climbed the ladder to crawl under the covers of his bed. Chikage followed suit on his own side of the room, laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

Itaru’s breathing never evened out – it was restrained and quiet the whole night, and if Chikage strained his ear, he could hear skillfully muffled sniffling. His heart twisted up uncomfortably at the sound, and a deep, harrowing guilt found a home in his stomach.

_Damn it._

* * *

Chikage couldn’t help but keep a close eye on Itaru the next day, conflicted with how he’d reacted to Chikage’s attempt at furthering the distance between them. The hurt he’d expressed…it was different from when the Spring Troupe had asked him to stay with the company. It was different from December’s, when he told Chikage the truth about August. It was even different from August’s, who spent so much time getting Chikage to warm up to him, to see him as family.

Of all the distance he’d put between himself and others, what he’d done to Chigasaki hurt the most. What was worse, the affection he’d been trying to escape was sticking around, buzzing around his head like a fly.

He worked on the opposite side of the office from Itaru, but taking the long walk to the copier on that side of the building wasn’t unheard of. It _did_ produce clearer copies, and it _was_ for his manager, so he took the excuse to visit the far-away copier, glancing at Itaru at his desk on the way. If he was still feeling down from last night, there was no trace of it on his face. But, he did notice Chikage walk by, giving him a confused glance.

“Chikage-san?” One of their co-workers – Amari-san, a girl in her early 30s – bounded up to him instantly. “You’re not usually over here. What brings you to this side of the office? Do you need to see Tanaka-senpai about that new market deal?”

“I just need the good copier,” he answered, smiling. “I’m not disrupting your work, am I?”

“O-of course not!” She stammered, blushing and bowing her head. “I’ll let you get back to it. H-have a nice day!”

“You, too.”

As he worked the copier, he could feel Itaru’s stare burning a hole into his back. But when he turned around, he was hard at work, focused on a client’s page and his email up on one screen, spreadsheet on the other. Chikage was both relieved and a little frustrated – Itaru’s mask was so practiced and precise, but was he actually okay?

_...Ah._

That was probably exactly how Itaru felt about _him,_ wasn’t it. _But there’s no use in Chigasaki trying to get closer to me,_ he mused. _It will only cause problems for him. Put him in danger. And I can’t do that._ He looked back at Itaru again, and this time, he caught him staring. Chikage knit his brows together, turning back to the copier. _But he doesn’t even know the truth. Maybe it’s wrong to keep him in the dark._

When he turned back around, Itaru was still staring at him, his jaw a little slack. Chikage chuckled, quirking a careful brow at him. “What’s on your mind, Chigasaki?”

Itaru cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes at Chikage for a fraction of a second. “Nothing. Just wondering who all the extra copies are for.”

Chikage looked down at the papers in his hands, mentally swearing. He’d made fifteen copies instead of five. _What a waste of paper._

“Some of the team was curious about the data,” he said, as smoothly as he could manage. “So I thought I’d satisfy their curiosity.”

“Is that so?” Itaru said, tone ice cold. “It’s awfully kind of you to share your work with them so openly.”

“Well, it’s for the better of us all, isn’t it?” He smiled despite the ugly lurch in his gut at Itaru’s comment. “I see no reason to keep it a secret.”

Itaru gave him one last stare before turning back to his computer. “Yeah. Secrets can be harmful, don’t you think?”

Chikage knew that he wasn’t talking about the paperwork in his hands anymore. He simply hummed in agreement, heading back to his side of the office without another word, his stomach twisting up in knots.

-:-

That night, Chikage hung around the dorm instead of hiding away. It was cool in the courtyard, and it helped him think while Itaru was streaming.

_What do I do?_

Telling Itaru the truth about his past felt out of the question, but...was it necessary? He set his jaw. In a sense, his past was still his present – he didn't exactly _quit_ the Organization. He’d made it complicated for himself, not quitting, but the risks of leaving far outweighed the benefits. Leaving the Organization nearly guaranteed that he’d have to leave Mankai, too, lest they took his information and used it to take out the company member by member. It didn’t even have to mean death, really. They could use _anything_ to force someone into hiding for the rest of their life. Even someone from the yakuza, like Furuichi.

_Nobody is safe. What a mess…_

He rubbed his chin, sighing. All that said, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could avoid his tumultuous emotions. Left unattended, he’d do something reckless without really thinking about it first, and that would be the worst thing of all. What if, overwhelmed, he kissed Itaru, just to see how it would feel?

Traitorously, his cheeks warmed at the thought. _Damn it._

“You look troubled, Chikage. What’s on your mind?”

Jerking his head up, he noticed Azuma, standing chin in hand with his head tilted, his hair falling delicately over his shoulder like always. “It’s nothing. What are you doing out here?”

“Oh, just a spot of trouble sleeping,” Azuma smirked. “Though it seems to be the same for you. Are you sure you don’t need a drink?”

“I doubt it would help.”

His smile slipped to a victorious grin. “So you _are_ troubled?”

_Damn it. I can’t believe I fell for a stupid trick like that._ “Probably not how you’re thinking.”

Azuma sat next to him, crossing his leg to lean on. “Care to talk about it?”

“I’m not…”

“If you’re worried about saying something confidential, I swear I won’t say a word to anyone.”

Chikage regarded him carefully. The winter troupe members typically kept to their own business, so it wasn’t like he couldn’t trust him; if that was the _only_ information he knew. But Azuma…he seemed to be a bit more of a gossip than the rest. There was a glint in his eye that told Chikage that, depending on what was troubling him, Azuma would slip in a hint – albeit small – where he felt necessary.

“I’ll be fine,” he said. “I just need to think.”

“Hmm, then maybe I’ll just have to guess. Would you tell me if I got it right?”

That playful smirk told Chikage that he, somehow, knew too much. Chikage narrowed his eyes at him, but he just smiled softly.

“I’ll take that as a maybe, then.” He paused, looking up at the calm night sky. “Could this be about Itaru?”

Chikage was quiet for a moment. “I have a feeling that you won’t change your mind, no matter what I tell you.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” He leaned back, folding his arms. “If what’s on your mind _isn’t_ Itaru, you could tell me, and I would believe you. But...then you’d be lying, wouldn’t you?”

“Tch.” Chikage frowned at the grass. “It’s not that simple.”

“These sorts of feelings hardly ever are,” he said, almost wistful. Softer still, he added, “I won’t force it out of you.”

“You’ve asked me a lot of questions,” Chikage started, turning his eyes to Azuma’s. “Do you mind if I ask you one?”

“Go ahead.”

“If you were confronted with a choice of hurting your family or hurting yourself, which would you choose?”

Azuma took in a sharp breath, quiet for a long time. Chikage waited, patiently.

“That’s...that’s awfully vague, Chikage. I’m not sure…” He sighed, wringing his wrists. “If I answer that, I’m afraid it won’t be the right answer for you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s a difficult decision, isn’t it?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and glaring at the grass again. “Hurting your family, putting them in danger just to live out your selfish desires…” _Like my selfish quest for vengeance._ “You’d lose sight of what’s most important. But avoiding those desires…what if that was just as dangerous for you?”

Azuma chuckled. “You’re sure you don’t need a drink? This sounds awfully dramatic. It’s just a crush, isn’t it?”

Heat flooded to Chikage’s traitorous, traitorous cheeks. He wanted to vomit. “What an infantilizing word for it.”

At that, Azuma laughed wholeheartedly. “I was just trying to be polite. I thought you wouldn’t want to admit that you were in love.”

He _burned._ “It’s nothing that beautiful.”

_As if my heart could feel anything without twisting it to feel so much worse._

“Love comes in all forms,” Azuma said, and Chikage could feel his gentle stare boring into him. “And some may find its effects wretched. But if you’re feeling something, Chikage, you should open up about it. If your past is complex, like our dear Hisoka’s, then I suggest you try taking baby steps.”

“Baby steps?”

“You can close the space between you one piece at a time. You’ve been avoiding him, haven’t you?” At his silence, Azuma continued. “Repair it one step at a time. Apologize. Be there for him. Spend time together. Ask him to lunch. When you feel comfortable, you can confess. Your secrets can come after. Or before. But you control the pace.”

Chikage breathed evenly through his nose. “You make it sound simple.”

“It isn’t,” Azuma chuckled, standing. “I imagine even the first step will be _very_ hard for you. But, it’s late, and we should both be getting some rest. Good luck, Chikage.”

“Thanks.”

-:-

He crept back into his shared room with Itaru, who was downloading his stream at his computer and, by all accounts, had not noticed him.

So, Chikage took the opportunity to sneak across the room and rest his hands on the back of Itaru’s chair. “How’d it go?”

Itaru nearly jumped out of his skin, drawing a smirk to Chikage’s lips. “Holy _shit,_ senpai, I didn’t—” As if remembering he was supposed to be mad at him, he turned back to his computer and huffed. “It went fine.” A pause. “Are you just picking stuff up?”

“You sound disappointed,” Chikage said. “No world record?”

“Just so you know, senpai, KniRoun VI is the _hardest_ in the series to run 100%, and if I’m going to submit my marathon to GDQ I’ve got to trim my PB by, like, at least 10 minutes, which is hard because the second boss—” He sighed again, angrily scrolling his phone. “A-answer the question.”

“I’m staying here,” He said. “What happens at the second boss?”

“It’s a _bitch,”_ He grumbled, swirling around to face Chikage fully. “If you don’t beat him fast enough, he calls backup soldiers to the field that _heal him_ if you don’t kill them clean, and the skip for it is imperfect because only assholes who run the game on a mod can actually pull it off, which means they’re totally cracking the game’s code to get Lancelot to clip through the wall and past the room, which would invalidate my run for GDQ, and—wait, _what?”_ The look on his face when his brain caught up was priceless. “You’re...not going out?”

Chikage shook his head. “I thought it might be best not to, today.”

Suspicion creased Itaru’s brow into a deep wrinkle. “Are you hiding from some super-powered LV 100 boss? Do you need Raid backup? Is it a super secret mission?”

“What _is_ it you think I do, exactly?”

“I don’t _know,_ senpai, you haven’t dropped _any_ hints. And you never leave your laptop lying around, so I couldn’t go snooping even if I wanted to.”

“I’m not involved in anything so dangerous.” _Yet._ “I simply wanted to...apologize.”

Itaru’s jaw went slack. “Wh-what? Why?”

Chikage turned away to dress down for bed. “You could say I…I’ve made a decision,” he said. “I can’t say more than that. Take it for what it is.”

Rolling back to his desk and starting his upload, Itaru scoffed. “You suck at apologies, senpai.” After a minute spent idly clicking around his browser, he spoke up, softer. “Does that mean you’ll tell me why you were avoiding me?”

“Not yet,” Chikage answered, barely above a whisper. “I’m still…just, not yet. I’m sorry.”

He ascended his ladder to get some rest, and just as he was about to fall asleep, he caught Itaru’s voice floating up to his ears.

“It’s...it’s okay. Take your time, senpai.”

* * *

Chikage wanted to go straight to Azuma, sneer in his face, and say _“You thought it would be hard? I apologized on the first night. I’m not the man you think I am.”_

But that was over a month ago. And Chikage found that the next step – being there for him, spending time together – was _significantly_ harder. Even with August and December, he hadn’t been much of a touchy-feely, spend-time-together sort of person. Was he expected to...nuzzle up against Itaru’s side as he mindlessly played games in their room? There was no way; it felt like too much, and besides, Itaru’s left and right sides were danger zones. He could get a little _active_ while gaming, and Chikage wasn’t about to spend $200 on a pair of replacement glasses if he got hit by Itaru’s rogue elbow.

So, Chikage settled for sitting at his desk more often during their downtime at the dorm. Mostly, he researched for work, but sometimes, he would research KniRoun. There was a _lot_ to know about the games beyond Arthurian legend, ridiculous as it was. However, it was fascinating, especially when he toed into the speedrunning community (which is what he assumed Itaru was doing, based on their previous conversation). Naturally, especting their roommate contract, Chikage would leave when Itaru was streaming, only returning precisely when he finished (mostly by coincidence).

One night, he’d brought Itaru back a snack and drink from the convenience store, and Itaru looked at him as though he’d grown another head. “Why are you doing this, senpai? Are you buttering me up?”

“Am I? I wonder.” He leaned his hands on the arms of Itaru’s gaming chair, a sudden confidence striking him. “Do you think that’s all this could be?”

Itaru’s cheeks bloomed a brilliant crimson, and it was then that Azuma’s words came to mind: _“You control the pace.”_ Like this, Itaru was vulnerable, within reach, and questioning Chikage’s true intent with wide, gorgeous eyes. It wouldn’t be a bad moment to come clean. Skip the lunch, straight to dessert.

_No._ He scolded himself. _Not yet._

“I…” Itaru tried to look away from Chikage’s face, but couldn’t, not without turning his face away. “It’s not nice to tease people, senpai. Just tell me what you want.”

“What I want? From you?” Chikage pondered it, not letting go of Itaru’s chair. “I want…”

_I want to love you freely. With reckless abandon. Without fear._

_I want to love you the way August loved the world._

He smiled. “To treat you to lunch tomorrow, as a celebration for the end of the week. Sound good?” 

Slowly, Itaru nodded. “Sure…? S-senpai, are you sure you’re not sick or something?”

“I promise, I’m healthy.” Pushing himself away from Itaru’s chair, he scaled the ladder deftly. “Goodnight, Chigasaki.”

“Good…goodnight, senpai.”

-:-

They took lunch at a quaint little cafe that had just opened a couple blocks away from the office. It felt, to Chikage, like he’d taken two steps forward, and three steps back. The air was tense around them that Chikage was actually grateful when their food arrived; at least it was a good reason to not have to talk. _I wonder what good this is supposed to do in Azuma’s list of steps._

“How’s your food?” Itaru asked, snapping Chikage from his thoughts.

“Good,” he mused. “Not as spicy as I prefer, but worth the trip.” He hadn’t expected anything fantastic in the first place, so he hadn’t even bothered to take a photo before eating. “How about yours?”

“Fine, yeah.” He pushed some noodles around on his plate, curling them onto his chopsticks idly. “Thanks. For lunch. It’s nice not to eat around a bunch of normies.”

Chikage hummed, amused. “Ah, so you can burn your LP during lunch safely?”

“Yeah. It’s exhausting, coming up with excuses. I can only have so many emails when virtually everyone else is out eating lunch, you know?”

“Well, you do maintain a lot of accounts, don’t you?” Chikage reasoned. “A client could need help at any time.”

“Yeah, but that excuse only works so many times.” He tapped at his phone with one hand. “Luckily, you’re just weird enough to avoid that, though. Like being in a safe room in the office hell dungeon.”

“You feel safe around me, then?” Chikage asked, feigning innocence with a tilt of his head.

Itaru busied himself with slurping his noodles, then, glowering at Chikage. “Don’t twist my words like that.”

“Am I wrong?”

Itaru didn’t answer aloud, but the blush on his face was satisfying enough for Chikage. His heart swelled, and for once, it didn’t twist around, reshaping to be something foul. Before he could appreciate it, though, Itaru frowned deeply at his phone.

“Hm? What happened, Chigasaki?”

“You _cursed_ me,” He groaned. “I really _did_ get an email from a client.”

They paid and hurried back to the office after that, but Chikage clung to the warmth of Itaru’s (albeit nerdy) words for the rest of the afternoon. It fluttered around his head, blooming into hope that maybe it was possible: maybe he _could_ feel a beautiful sort of love. _Now all I should have to do,_ Chikage thought, _is express it._ The thought alone sent that hope plummeting to the pits of his stomach, mangling into a most wretched anxiety. He was cruelly reminded: confessing meant both his feelings _and_ the dangers that came with them. _What an ugly thing to force onto someone else. But I think I’m in too deep to turn around and run the other way, now._

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. _God…Itaru, I’m so sorry._

* * *

The rest of the month went by before it happened again. Chikage and Itaru were tasked with cleaning out the old prop storage, a task disdained by every member of the company. However, they were the last two home after some grueling overtime at work, and so they were stuck with this project for the weekend while the autumn troupe continued rehearsal for their next play.

“This is the _worst,”_ Itaru groaned. “Isn’t Matsukawa supposed to be doing this?”

“Izumi wanted to give him the weekend off,” Chikage reminded him, tone sharp. “Don’t whine. It’ll be over faster if you put in some honest work.”

He groaned again. “I’ve been putting in honest work at _work_ all week. Weekends are for gaming, full stop.”

Chikage walked up behind him to take some of the swords and taller props out of his hands. “This really shouldn’t take too much longer. I believe these swords are the last thing we have to put away, then we can dust the place and be done with this room for another few months.”

Frowning, Itaru ducked his head. “Yeah, whatever. Let’s get this over with, I guess.”

Chikage walked to the closet that held the taller props, depositing them onto hooks to keep them in order before turning back to Itaru, so he could hand off the rest. It should have been simple: he was only holding a sword and two spears.

But Itaru tripped, sending them both careening into the prop closet, the door slamming behind their backs.

“Ow, _shit,”_ Itaru grumbled against the fabric of Chikage’s sweater. “Ugh. I didn’t even see that wire. Are you okay?”

Chikage had whacked his head against the back wall, but thankfully, he’d missed the structure holding the props in place. “I’m fine. Can you stand?”

“Sort of…” Itaru huffed, sliding into a more upright position as best as he could, with the limited space between them. He sent his hand backwards, eyes blown open into panic after trying the handle. “Shit. _Shit._ It’s locked. We’re locked in.”

The unsettling feeling of déjà vu made Chikage’s vision swim for a moment. He blinked against the darkness. “I can probably pick it open.”

“With what tools?”

“All you need is two bobby pins,” Chikage grinned, gently pulling the two holding Itaru’s bangs up out of his hair, setting it free to fall in front of his face. “Good thing you came prepared for this situation.”

Itaru narrowed his eyes at him. “Fine, but the door is behind me. Do we really have to shuffle around and switch spots?”

“I can reach around you,” Chikage said simply. Backing them closer to the door, Chikage felt blindly for the lock, deftly sticking the pins in and shuffling them around.

Then, however, he heard Itaru’s breath hitch in his ear. _This...we’re close,_ he noted, before whispering to Itaru. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah,” Itaru’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“Are you claustrophobic, Chigasaki?”

“No!” His protest sounded honest enough. “No, that’s...I’m fine. It’s totally not awkward to have someone pressed against you and picking a lock behind your back. Nothing weird about it all. Just…keep using your weird cheat powers and get us out of here.”

He would’ve loved to do just that: pick the lock, free the door, and get back to work. However, his focus was broken by Itaru’s comments, and now he could only focus on the lack of space between them. Fiddling around behind Itaru’s back meant he was sort of leaning into Itaru, and Chikage could feel the way Itaru’s heart pounded against his ribcage – quite nearly mirroring his own. _It’s almost like it’s knocking on a door, asking to be let in._

But was Itaru really that nervous? _What’s going on in that head of his?_ Chikage wondered, sparing a glance at him. His lips were pursed, and his gaze was pointed clearly away from Chikage’s own face, which hovered inches away from his jaw. He’d bet all his savings that Itaru could feel his breath against his neck.

Distracted, the bobby pins slipped from his fingers, and the clatter they made as they hit the floor made Chikage suck a quick breath through his teeth. From this position, there was _no way_ he would be able to bend down and get them.

“Senpai.”

“Yes, Chigasaki?”

“What was that noise?”

“I…” He huffed out a chuckle. “I dropped the pins.”

“We’re stuck?”

“Seems to be the case.”

“Very cool. So much for your cheat codes, huh? What happened?”

Chikage straightened up a little, using the doorhandle as leverage. He caught Itaru’s gaze. “I was distracted.”

“By what?” Itaru frowned. “It’s too dark to see _anything_ in here. Unless your glasses give you a darkvision stat, which would be _very_ unfair.”

Chikage only smiled. “Your hair’s messed up.”

Narrowing his eyes, Itaru bit back, “I wonder whose fault _that_ is.”

Without thinking, Chikage reached out to brush Itaru’s bangs from his eyes, tucking some of the longer pieces behind his ear. He could feel the way Itaru’s body tensed up at the motion, as though Chikage had sent an electric flare through his body. _Maybe he’s remembering the last time we were like this, too._ They stood impossibly close, the feeling of deja vu crashing wave after wave of nervous tension over Chikage’s heart. Despite the similarities, Chikage couldn’t help thinking much more was at stake right now.

_Confess,_ Azuma’s voice in his head urged. _Your secrets can come after._

“Senpai…? Your hand is still...um, you okay?”

He didn’t respond. Itaru looked at him, and Chikage saw the concern, the confusion, the _hesitation_ in his eyes so clearly, even in the darkness. And maybe that darkness emboldened him, lit the match to start a fire in his chest that he’d slowly been pouring gasoline over for months. Maybe part of him realized that Itaru was probably feeling just as vulnerable as he was, like this. Or, maybe he just wanted to be selfish and steal away a moment when locked away in pure privacy.

His hand trailed down to cup Itaru’s cheek, fingers threading in the hair at the nape of his neck. Itaru’s lips parted slightly, and Chikage kissed him. He relished the way Itaru’s breath hitched sharply, the way his hands grabbed at Chikage’s sweater and curled into fists – how he trembled, just a little, but didn’t pull away.

_He didn’t pull away._

When Chikage dared to nip at Itaru’s lower lip, he obliged, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. Was it acceptance? Reciprocation? Chikage swiped his tongue swiftly, sweetly across Itaru’s lips before pulling away, scanning Itaru’s face for a reaction, an emotion, anything.

He was met, unsurprisingly, with a furrowed brow. “Wh-what was…? Why did you…?”

“Why else?” Chikage said, as if it was the easiest thing in the world and didn’t take him _months_ of self-searching to do. “It was the right moment.”

Itaru narrowed his eyes. “In a dark, locked closet? The right moment to kiss me? Are you for real? Do you know how _any_ of this is supposed to work?”

“Do I? Hmm.” He smirked, feeling a bit wicked. “I do know that in KniRoun III, with enough charm and a good luck stat, you can romance the village maiden without even taking her on a proper date. And I think I’ve done at least a bit more than that.”

The emotions that swam across Itaru’s face were priceless, each one: the shock, the confusion, the realization, and back to shock, but almost angry. “Did you really just reference KniRoun III— _wait._ Was you taking me to lunch supposed to be a _date?”_

“You tell me, Chigasaki. What did you feel?”

“D-don’t turn this on me! Just answer! Why did you kiss me?”

Azuma’s words rang clear again. _Confess. Confess._ But _his_ words got caught in his throat when he tried to speak them aloud, so he huffed. “I already said, why else?”

“I—” Itaru turned his gaze away, then. “I want to hear you say it,” He mumbled.

“What…?”

“If you _mean it,_ I want to hear it from you.” Chikage couldn’t see it more than he could feel the warmth coming from Itaru’s cheeks. “This could be an experiment, or part of your weird side job, or I could be some checkpoint character in a sidequest you just need to get through—”

_“Chigasaki.”_ He held the other side of Itaru’s face, now, determination kindling the earlier flame. “There is no experiment. This isn’t a _game._ I like you.”

Understandably, Itaru scrutinized Chikage’s expression, probably looking for any reason or sign to doubt him. Chikage tried not to give him reason to. “You...like me.”

“Yes.”

Itaru swallowed, and Chikage waited, each passing second acting like a drop of rain pounding down on the blaze that burned so brightly in his chest just moments ago. Doubt would flood where his impulses took the reins, and he would have to run all over again, sooner than he’d even anticipated, but then Itaru opened his mouth to speak again.

“I…” He looked so troubled, and Chikage was starting to feel horrible. But then, Itaru chuckled. “Man, you’re really weird. I think this must be the most scared I’ve ever seen you look, and it’s about this?”

Now it was Chikage’s turn to avert his gaze. “It’s…more complicated than you think.”

Itaru hummed. “Well, I…I like you, too, so maybe it’s fine if it’s complicated. And weird. And cramped. And _dark._ Seriously, you couldn’t kiss me somewhere else? This is gonna make a _horrible_ CG.”

Chikage laughed. “Maybe there’s more than one special CG in this route. Now, turn to the side so I can get the pins and unlock this door.”

Within minutes, they were free, tumbling back into the storage space, Chikage extending an arm to keep Itaru steady. In the early evening light, Chikage could see how flushed Itaru’s face had become. _Maybe he was a bit grateful for the darkness, too._

“Well, the props are away,” Chikage said. “Let’s finish up quickly so we’re not late for dinner.”

“Huh?” Itaru blinked, as if coming back to Earth. “Oh, yeah. Yup. Gotta speedrun it now. WR pace for Dust% run of the storage room, ready, and... _go.”_

-:-

After dinner, Chikage had retreated to the baths to wash off the prop grime and dust from cleaning. Despite the day not necessarily being _difficult,_ the bath felt much-needed, easing aches he didn’t realize he had built up over the day. That, and it gave him a good chance to think.

_Chigasaki… “I like you too, so maybe it’s fine if it’s complicated,” he’d said. Pff. If only he knew the truth._

But...that _was_ the whole point now, wasn’t it? To tell him the truth? Chikage wondered when would be a good time. They’d need absolute privacy, but Itaru streamed at night. He could drop hints, but he wanted to be honest, for a change. His cheeks warmed at the thought; he could practically hear how August would (or how December _will)_ poke fun at him for “finally feeling something like love.”

He ducked his head under the water and turned up the strength, the burn clearing his head. From there, he finished up quickly; he couldn’t risk someone else coming in and trying to talk to him (especially if it was someone like Azuma).

He’d kissed Itaru, they’d confessed to liking each other, sure. However, it wasn’t like they’d agreed on where exactly that put them.

And that, Chikage knew, was the hardest conversation he was going to have.

Back in the dorm room, it was oddly quiet. Itaru sat curled up on the couch, absorbed in a handheld game with his bangs tied up with a hairtie, safely out of his face. There was enough room for Chikage to sit, but he wasn’t sure whether he _should._ Nervous tension simmered on his skin, an all-new, uncomfortable feeling for him.

Itaru didn’t glance up from his game when Chikage walked in. “I cancelled my stream tonight, so you can stick around.” A beat. “Unless you had other plans.”

Chikage placed his bag down, walking back to the couch and settling in next to Itaru. “I’ll stay,” he said. “Strange, for you to cancel a stream like that. Are you not feeling well?”

“Lot on my mind, I guess. Mostly, today’s the last day to grind in this dungeon for boosted item drops, so I need to be full-focus. No time to train up for WR KniRoun runs, you know?”

Chikage hummed. "Sounds busy."

"It's less work than when Banri does dungeon runs with me in Shingen Contact," he explained. "Then we usually split the loot. Sometimes Citron has time to join, then we're totally OP. But, you know, senpai, you could probably ace gaming if you tried it. You're good at everything thanks to your cheat code buff, so I'm sure we could blast high-level dungeons no prob with you on the team. You'd have to tank or heal, though, since Banri and I have DPC on lock."

He quirked a brow at him, even though he was sure he couldn't see it. "Good at _everything,_ is that what you said? Even, say, kissing?"

Itaru tensed up, bringing the console a little closer to his face – presumably to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks. "I-I don't know."

"Oh, did I steal your first?"

"What!? No! I just—" Itaru groaned, a disenchanting chime sounding from his console. "Damn it. No, you didn't, I just don't have a lot of frame of reference. I guess. Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"Well, it _does,_ but not because I want to know your romantic past," Chikage mused, idly scrolling through an article on his phone. "I'd like to know...where we stand."

Then, Itaru did spare him a glance, before going back to mashing complex button patterns. "I mean, _you_ kissed _me,_ right? So... what were you thinking?"

"I think…" Chikage sighed. "My feelings come with a price."

Again, Itaru frowned at him over his console. "A price? That's vaguely threatening, senpai, NGL."

"It's the truth," he said simply, tucking his phone in his pocket. "If I want to pursue a relationship with you, Chigasaki, then it's only fair for you to know the truth about my past. So you're aware of the risk of accepting such feelings."

"Not getting any less threatening here, but...okay." Rightfully, Itaru sounded skeptical. Chikage wasn't even sure he could get the full truth out all at once. It helped that Itaru was absorbed in whatever game he was playing.

He took a breath. “It has to do with my…side job,” he said carefully. “If you…if _we_ choose to become intimate, you’ll need to know more about it.”

The music coming from Itaru’s console stopped instantly _,_ and he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him put _down_ a game so fast. He scooted back to sit up with better posture, then ruining it by crossing his legs and leaning forward on his elbows. “Really? You’ll tell me about your mysterious double life?”

“Not _all_ of it,” Chikage warned, staring back at the table. “Just some.”

Itaru was silent for a minute, and Chikage heard him scoot a little closer on the couch, his knees barely brushing against Chikage’s thigh. “I...think I can handle it, senpai.”

_Can you? There’s no going back,_ Chikage wanted to say. But he didn’t want to scare him off. “Okay,” he said instead. “I do investigative research as a side job. For a very... _secretive_ organization. The research is _targeted,_ and that’s all I can say about it. It’s the sort of job that forces me not to have many material possessions.”

Itaru looked awestruck. “I _knew_ you were secretly a protag.”

Chikage quirked a brow back at him. “Don’t be so naive, I did out of lack of access to a better situation. Anyway, if they find out about you, it’s entirely possible they’ll try to use you for contraband.”

Shock settled into speculation, and Itaru scrutinized Chikage’s face for any signs of a lie. “You’re joking? You’re not joking. You’re serious. You’re _serious?”_

“I told you, it…comes with a price.” Chikage tore his gaze away to avoid having to see the fear or resentment that might surface after the dust of curiosity blew away and Itaru realized the potential for disaster. His hands unconsciously clenched into fists. _I let this go too far. Nobody would be okay accepting feelings from someone when it’s followed with a condition like this. Ridiculous. I’d run the other direction as fast as I could. ...Maybe I should._

The feeling of Itaru’s hand resting delicately over his own snapped his attention back to reality, and Itaru offered him a small smile. “So, say someone tried to take me away to a super-secret spy hideout. Does that mean you’d try to come save me?”

The lurch Chikage’s stomach gave provided all the answer he needed – though it was a shame Itaru couldn’t feel it, forcing words out of him instead. “Without question. Instantly.”

Color bloomed across Itaru’s cheeks, his ruby eyes blown wide. Chikage could’ve laughed – what other sort of answer did he expect? Still, his face was stuck in disbelief for a minute. Chikage allowed him to puzzle whatever it was out on his own. He watched his face turn from embarrassment to confusion, then soften into something Chikage couldn’t really place.

“Cool,” he said finally, quiet. “Cool, that’s—that’s cool. Never thought I’d be the love interest. Or the damsel. Now I might be both? How—senpai, _how_ likely is this scenario?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure,” Chikage placed his other hand atop Itaru’s. “I just know it’s possible.”

“So it could take anywhere from, like, three days to a month for me to get kidnapped by a large group of random strangers? Or a small group of covert agents? You know what, don’t answer that. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” He smiled, bigger, and gave Chikage’s hand a small squeeze. “Thanks for trusting me, senpai. I promise I won’t let this important social link moment go to waste.”

Chikage rolled his eyes, squeezing Itaru’s hand back. “Very well, is that your answer, then? Do you really want to date someone like me?”

“What does that even mean?” Itaru laughed. “Did you set up some dudes to yoink me if I say yes? I’ll still say _yes._ Like I said, _you_ kissed _me,_ but it’s not like I didn’t like it. Or kiss back. Honestly, it should be me asking you if you wanna date someone like _me,_ but. Y’know. Yeah. Sure. Dating…we can date.”

_Someday, you’ll understand,_ Chikage thought, leaning over to give Itaru a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth, as if to seal the deal. _Someday, I’ll tell you everything._

“Good. So long as we’re dating, you know you can just call me Chikage, right?” He said, still a breath away from Itaru’s lips.

“Right. I’ll try that, sen— _Chikage._ Only if you call me Itaru, too, though. Feels weird if it’s one-sided.”

“Itaru, huh,” he tried, enjoying the way Itaru’s fingers twitched a little when he said it. “I think I can get used to that.”

“R-right,” Itaru stuttered, his eyes searching Chikage’s face like he wanted to look away, but there was no room to. “So, you’re still close…”

“Oh? Don’t you want your chance at a better CG?”

“Right _now???”_

“Right now,” Chikage asserted, shifting to fold his legs up on the couch too, laying his knees on top of Itaru’s. “Save and quit your game. You can practice for speedruns later.”

“H-how long do you plan to kiss me for?” Itaru questioned, but he reached for his console anyway.

Chikage’s gaze darkened to be almost devilish. He smirked. “As long as it takes, to get _just_ the right expression.”

Itaru looked at him, all nervous expression and bright red cheeks, and Chikage laughed, completely diffusing the tension he’d set so delicately. Their first night together promised to be fun, and for once, Chikage found he wasn’t that afraid of what might happen next.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it and have time to spare, drop me a comment! I wrote this like a woman possessed so I hope you had fun following along with their awkward adventure. Who knows what'll come next? ;)  
> You can also find me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/chiikausa) if you want to yell at me about ckit there.


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